


Mercury Unbound

by januarywren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Alpha Kylo Ren, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Claiming, Devoted Kylo Ren, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Knotting, Mates, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Menstruation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nesting, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Pregnancy, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance, Size Kink, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Throne Room Scene, Touch-Starved, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-06-26 11:37:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19767412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/januarywren/pseuds/januarywren
Summary: They were mercury and acid, intent on tearing each other apart.No- Her breath hitched.That was a lie.They were both mercury, and shared the same beating heart. | An attempt at an in-character A/B/O Reylo.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NCUH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCUH/gifts).



[ ](https://www.freeiconspng.com/img/43168)

Ahch-To was cold.

  
  
Rey thought she knew the meaning of the word before. Cold was when she wrapped her arms about her knees, tucking them against her chest, and attempted to sleep; alone in her home.

  
  
_at night_ -

  
  
Cold was when she buried her feet in the sand, and tilted her head back, watching the stars above; ignoring the harsh breeze.

_desperate to sleep_ -

  
  
No.

  
  
_you dream of an ocean_ -

  
  
She pulled her hood up, turning her head away from the flickering flames. She was cold, cold down to her bones, between the mournful wookie, and the porgs that gathered at their feet. She crumbled bread in her hand, letting the crumbs fall. The porgs chirped and danced forward; pecking at the stale bits.

  
  
_Wasteful_ , a familiar voice whispered. _Stupid, wasteful, little girl_.

  
  
Once, she’d wondered whether it was Unkar Plutt hissing in her ear (no, no she’d never bend to him, never break) or the voice of a scavenger, one with burning eyes and harsh talons; one who’d taught her to climb over the rest of them; until she’d climbed over him too. Sometimes, she dreamed it was the voice of a mother; one who’d pulled her hair back into three, little buns and wanted nothing more than her daughter to be good. She was good, she’d promised the voice; and would be better – the very, very best if it stayed; if it told her its name. It had laughed then, softly, sweetly and told her its name.

  
  
_rey._

  
  
It was her own; as constant and sneering as her shadow.

  
  
“Chewie?”

It was a familiarity that didn’t fit about her lips; one that her inner voice said was wrong; _wrong, wrong, wrong_. Familiarity with another was something she’d never known; never trusted on Jakku. She rose to her feet; her back turned to him. ( _Stupid, stupid_ \- she remembered a foot in her back, parts scattered and howls of laughter-)

  
  
She looked over her shoulder.

  
  
His head stayed down, his paws in his lap.

  
  
“I’m going to sleep.” She said. She didn’t ask whether he would stay. The Falcon was left empty; the food stores holding only a handful of rations, and a bottle of half-drank whisky. She knew he hadn’t come to stay.

  
  
He’d be gone in the morning.

  
  
She’d counted and recounted during their flight to the island; rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, and drawing shapes against the windows; doing anything, anything to keep her eyes open. Anything, to keep their faces away.

  
  
One so closed, so dark (now scarred; bloody and red)

  
  
and the other open, painfully open (accepting, yielding to a monster; how! _how_?)

  
  
“Thank you for coming,” she added, abruptly. “With me.” To Ahch-To, after the death of his friend. _Han_. “I…I know-” She swallowed the rest of her words; pushing them down, down like something reeking, slimy and dead into her cramping stomach. 

  
  
_it hurts_.

  
  
Rey shook her head; not seeing that behind her, the wookie did the same, tears streaking down his matted fur. Instead she walked on, following the rocky, little path to the bench outside the last jedi’s door.

  
  
_Luke_.

  
  
She dropped to the bench and sprawled her limbs over the sides of it. She looked up to the sky, where the stars shined; mockingly bright, the same as on Jakku. “I’ll bring him home,” she whispered.

  
  
For the Resistance. For Leia.

  
  
For Han.

  
  
Her fingers curled inward, jagged nails cutting into her palm.

  
  
“I promise.”

  


* * *

  
  
He wouldn’t come out.

  
  
The last Jedi, the savior of the Resistance, Luke _kriffing_ Skywalker wouldn’t open the door. He wouldn’t even reply to her knocks (her knuckles were red and raw; imprints of her fingers splintered into the wood), her calls. She’d heard whispers of movement when the Falcon powered up, and Chewie roared in goodbye.

  
  
“Kriff,” Rey muttered.

  
  
She wouldn’t say please. She wouldn’t beg. She never had.

  
  
Tucked against her side, the light saber weighed. She wasn’t a thief; she was a scavenger, a survivor. “Your owner is here,” she’d whispered, fingering the hilt. “You belong with him.”

  
  
It was a destiny maker; one she hadn’t asked for.

  
  
She thought of Finn; the storm trooper she’d met on Jakku. The last glimpse of him she’d seen was his back as he turned away. He’d found his place, with the employers Maz promised would take him elsewhere. Thickly, Rey swallowed.

  
  
He wasn’t a friend.

  
  
He was something else; something – someone she could understand. He was a survivor, just like her. She wouldn’t (couldn’t, never, never could) blame him. She saw movement then; out of the corner of her eye. Cloaked and bent, the figure made his way to the cliffs.

  
  
“Luke!”

  
  
She jumped to her feet and followed.

  


* * *

  
  
His pace never changed.

  
  
He was two steps ahead, while she was one step behind.

  
  
He didn’t speak, and neither did she, until the silence grew too much (what was she supposed to do? What was wrong - silence - or breaking it?) and she started with a rush of tumbling, twisting sentences. She talked about the Resistance. The First Order. Balance and goodness and death and light, she rambled until her lips were numb. She hoped he was listening, his pace unfaltering.

  
  
“Please Luke-“

  
  
Rain stung her cheeks.

  
  
A mechanical hand raised.

  
  
“Child,” Luke ( _a Skywalker, a Jedi, Luke_ – Luke _was talking to_ her) said. “I know the war well.”

  
  
She found her way to him, pebbles scattering beneath her feet. Inside of her chest, her heart thrummed like a bird; its wings beating against its cage. “You’ll take this then,” Rey said. She didn’t add: ‘you’ll fight for the Resistance. You’ll let the light in and let the good win. You’ll have things make sense again.’

  
  
_please_.

  
  
Her actions spoke for her, as they always had. This: actions - movements - she knew how to use, infinitely more so than words. She drew out the light saber, holding it out to him. “It belongs to you.”'

  
  
Metallic fingers drew near the end of it, a breadth away from the hilt. “No,” He said.

  
  
“No?” She echoed.

  
  
“I’ve found my place,” Luke murmured, dropping his hand back to his side. The wind whipped about them; their cloaks billowing. “Now it’s time to find yours, Rey of Jakku.”

  
  
He’d heard her before, as she talked outside his door, just as he’d heard her then.

  
  
“Stay here,” He said. “I’ll show you how to live; catching fish, learning to judge the moods of the lanai, and how to calm the voices within your head without the use of _magic_.” Furtively, his lips curled about the word. He was sneering, a motion that marred his face. It wasn’t the Luke Skywalker that she’d heard about in the stories, the man that she’d wanted to be like, when he looked like that.

  
  
She forced herself to stay still.

  
  
Beasts, men and creatures alike, always chased when they sensed uncertainty. Fear. She lifted her chin and kept her eyes on him. His eyes were appraising as they caught hers. He could see through her-

  
  
_no._

  
  
He could see all of her, from the voice that hid itself between her ribs, to the blood that rushed to her cheeks. “Or you can run,” He continued, his voice steady, “Back to the Resistance. Back to Jakku. Back to one of the thousands of planets in the Outer Rim. There, you can choose what matters to you; what defines you.”

  
  
He smiled, a small, tepid smile. “There, you can learn if the propaganda you’re repeating is true, Rey.” 

  
  
She heard him; his voice as loud and strong as the crashing waves below. His words wriggled into her ears, burning as they squirmed. He wouldn’t help.

  
  
He _had_ to.

  
  
“The Resistance,” Rey said. “They need you.”

  
  
She didn’t drop her hand, still holding the light saber out. His light saber.

  
  
Luke tilted his head. “It calls to you.”

  
  
He missed nothing.

  
  
“The Force,” the word felt right on her tongue, sinking behind her teeth. It was the way she would follow, the meaning she would know and adopt as her own. “Someone said I have it.”

  
  
Unconsciously her fingers tightened about the cold hilt in her hand.

  
  
“You do.”

  
  
Two little words (and she wouldn’t let them mean a thing).

  
  
Stupidly, foolishly she said, “Someone…someone also said I need a teacher.” She nipped at her lip; shoving the needy, little girl with three buns away. The girl would have her throw herself into his arms; desperate to feel another’s hands at her back, and breath against her skin. She would have her ache from wanting the warmth of another; the warmth from someone that cared. 

  
  
She would have her want for things that could never be; least of all in the arms of a famed Jedi. Rey straightened; her feet solid on the crumbling ground. She wouldn’t crumble.

  
  
Luke chuckled without humor. “The same someone?”

  
  
“No,” she said. “Will you teach me?”

  
  
He turned his head away.

  
  
“No.”

  


* * *

  
  
She climbed across the island side.

  
  
She didn’t look down, she never did. Her hands tightened about the rocks; gripping them tight. She’d learned to keep her eyes level with where she was; stealing cautious glances upward, or to the side. But never down; not after her stomach had twisted and she’d lost her grip, slipping down her grappling rope in fear.

  
  
She’d been ten then, and still remembered how it felt; when she’d hit the bottom, wrapped in her rope, and yanked her shoulder out of its socket. She swallowed, her feet finding leverage.

  
  
Her arm didn’t ache. Her stomach didn’t churn.

  
  
She’d followed Luke in silence after he turned her down; the light saber tucked into the pocket of her cloak. It weighed as she walked behind the man; watching as he fished.

  
  
Tended his garden. Sat cross legged, his palms tilted, and face back toward the sun. They didn’t speak, an uncertain silence between them. 

  
  
He’d gone inside his hut when the sun dipped. Smoke billowed from his chimney, while she lay back on the bench; watching the stars. Until Luke stood over her, a bowl of food in his hands.

  
  
“Thank you,” Rey said.

  
  
He nodded.

  
  
She’d spooned charred fish, and mushy green bits between her lips; heaven bursting across her tongue.

  
  
Luke wasn’t cruel, Rey decided, as she climbed toward the sandy, beach side. When she’d looked into his eyes, she hadn’t looked into the eyes of a beast; one with a scarred muzzle and fearsome, snapping teeth. She’d looked into the eyes of a man wanting to survive. Finn’s eyes. Her eyes.

  
  
“Why?”

  
  
Why did he need to hide? What was he running from? Rey stilled, her fingers finding a new ledge to grasp. She’d always been better at thinking with her hands; solving puzzles of shorting engines and sparking wires. People and their problems were puzzles she avoided.

  
  
But how could she ignore this one?

  
  
_Who_ was he running from? He had no keeper (she wanted to gnash her teeth and spit at the word), no Unkar Plutt shaping his body; watching with delight as his ribs showed and face became gaunt. No, Rey thought, Luke had no-one hanging over his shoulder. His life was his own.

  
  
‘ _Yours can be too_ ,’ the voice sneered. ‘ _For how many portions?_ ’

  
  
“Stop,” she said.

  
  
As if she believed it would.

  


* * *

  
  
She didn’t make it to the bottom of the cliff side.

  
  
Not that day, not the next.

  


* * *

  
  
“ _Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?_ ”

  
  
She’d met him with gnashing teeth and claws, as furious as the first time they’d met. His scar made her pause; she’d never looked back when she’d beaten and left thieves gasping and bleeding in the sand. It was her work; the jagged line that marred his face entirely permanent, entirely hers. If she were an alpha, she’d feel proud, not wanting to turn her head and wretch until there was nothing left.

  
  
If she were an alpha, she would have made sure he was dead before she left.

  
  
She dug her feet in the sand.

  
  
It was different from the burning, grainy sand that dominated Jakku. She could still feel it inside of her lungs; years of dusty granules making their home inside of her. She wouldn’t be able to get rid of it; turning her lungs inside out and emptying them between her lips. It would always be there; a stain as bright and relentless as the Jakku sun. 

  
  
Rey rested her hands on her knees; wiggling her feet in the sand. It was damp; clinging between her toes as the waves swept over top. She sat near the shallow end, as close as she could without going in. The waves were rippling and blue; endlessly stretched before her. It was more than she could imagine; more than she could dream of, no matter how many times she’d imagined an ocean. There, it was real.

  
  
“ _Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?_ ”

  
  
Her fingers drew circles in the sand, before drawing them to her lips.

  
  
“I know everything I need to know about you,” Rey repeated, hearing the air shift about her. _He_ was real too; as real as the ocean before her. They were bonded; he said, while she lay on her bench and fisted her hands against her ears; refusing to look at him, refusing to speak. It didn’t matter, he said.

  
  
They were bound, something that couldn’t be undone.

  
  
“Then why do the words feel wrong?”

  
  
She glanced over her shoulder, where _he_ stood. Kylo Ren. A murderous snake, a monster. He'd agreed with her, when she’d called him one.

  
  
_yet_ -

  
  
She didn’t deny what he said, she didn’t wonder how he could now, the way the words felt on her tongue. She didn’t. “Kylo.”

  
  
He toyed with his gloves, pulling at the padded fingertips. “I can feel the uncertainty rolling off you,” He murmured, his voice soft. “Why?”

  
  
They both knew what he was; the body of his father strung between them.

  
  
“I don’t know,” she said, as if she meant it.

  
  
Maybe she did. 

  
  
She turned her head back to the ocean; shivering as he watched her. “You do,” he said. “You can’t lie to me, even if you can to yourself, Scavenger.” He quieted behind her, his words a whisper on her skin.

  
  
“Just as I can’t lie to you.”

  
  
She inhaled; his pheromones thick in the air. He ached with the smell of cracking leather, smoking engines, and an undercurrent of heady musk. “Kylo- “

  
  
When she started to answer, he was gone. 

* * *

  
The lanai chattered as she passed.

  
  
She didn’t need to speak their language to know they disapproved of her; and the cart she’d ruined, after she’d sent a boulder flying after taking forceful, practice swings with the light saber. If Luke wouldn’t teach her, she would teach herself, she’d decided. Constantly, she felt the lanais eyes on her; as hard and cold as his had been warm.

  
  
Burning.

  
  
She stretched her arms overhead, wincing as her shoulders cracked. Her staff was slung across her back; and her (was it hers? was it his?) light saber hung from her leggings, bouncing against her thigh as she walked.

  
  
She went to the beach in the mornings; scaling down the cliff side and watched the sun rise. It was a constant that she knew, the same as hunger or thirst. Or loneliness. Luke was a speck on the island, the same as she was. They didn’t speak; beyond the nightly sharing of his dinner.

  
  
“ _What do you want from me_?” She’d asked.

  
  
“ _Nothing_ ,” he’d replied, his hand resting on the doorway of his hut, “ _Until you decide, Rey_.”

  
  
She’d drank deeply from her bowl then; bits of fish dripping down her chin. She hadn’t given him a reply, not then, and still hadn’t. They revolved on the island; their feet walking the same path, and hands finding the same cubby holes on the cliff side, but they were different (‘ _too different_ ,’ the voice said. ‘ _don’t trust, never, never_ ‘)

  
  
Her fingers curled against her marked palm.

  
  
She wouldn’t let the days blur together.

  


* * *

  
  
“Your form is wrong.”

  
  
She stilled, watching as the blade sparked.

  
  
“It’s the only one I know,” she defended. His footsteps echoed behind her; loud and impossibly close. She didn’t look behind her, feeling his breath on her neck.

  
  
“Has Skywalker taught you nothing?”

  
  
She opened her mouth to speak, before closing it. “He hasn’t, has he?” Kylo mused, chuckling darkly. She refused to move, letting him claim her space as his own.

  
  
‘ _Don’t,_ ’ the voice hissed. ‘ _Don’t shudder, don’t show weakness_.’

  
  
“You won’t kill me like that,” Kylo said bluntly. “If you leave your right side open, I’ll take advantage, Scavenger, and strike you down first.” It was a promise that sounded like a curse.

  
  
“It went differently on Starkiller.” She spit.

  
  
Neither said what they both knew: Kylo had been injured then, stumbling and bleeding from a bow caster wound, when she’d cut him down in the snow. 

  
  
“It did,” he replied evenly.

  
  
His temper didn’t flare. Instead-

  
  
_instead_ -

  
  
“Tell me Scavenger,” She felt the ghost of his fingers, lifting her arm up, and guiding her opposite leg back. It wasn’t a possessive touch, no, he was- “How many have you killed?" He didn't wait for her to answer, perhaps knowing that she wouldn't. "I've killed countless, yet remember them all." 

  
  
Correcting her. _Helping_ her.

  
  
“There.”

  
  
She struck forward again, as fast and intent as a striking viper. “Better,” He said. “You’ll have a chance at grazing my collarbone.” His lips brushed against her ear. “Strike lower and you’ll have a chance at my heart.”

  
  
"Will you remember me, Rey?"

He was close; impossibly close, yet not close enough.

  
  
She’d let down her hair; tilting her head down so it hung against the sides of her face. She wouldn’t let him see the tremble of her lips, or the way she flinched. He let her shrug his arms off of her.

  
  
“I won’t say thank you,” she said. “I won’t- “

  
  
_say i’m sorry._

  
  
She went again, and again; striking at the air, never looking behind her.

  


* * *

  
  
He didn’t come for days after that.

  
  
She pretended not to notice.

  
  
Not to care.

  


* * *

  
  
“ _Let the past die. Kill it if you must. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be_.”

  
  
His voice rang in her head as she crashed through the water; flinging her arms and legs about. Water stung her nose as she inhaled; gasping for breath-

  
  
She went under.

  
  
“ _Your parents threw you away like garbage_.”

  
  
She attempted to swim up, up, up-

  
  
Her eyes were open wide, seeing the light above. (Why had she gone there- to the dark? To the cave?)

  
  
“ _They did, but you can’t stop needing them_.” Hands pulled her further, into the murky depths of the cave. She couldn’t pull away; their grip hauntingly tight. Her lungs burned; desperate for air. “ _It’s your greatest weakness_.”

  
  
She wrenched herself away.

  
  
“They didn’t!” She screamed, her head breaking above water. “They didn’t, they _wouldn’t_ \- “

  
  
Around her the water swirled and snarled; its rage a violent hum all around her. She pushed herself forward, kicking her legs to the rocky side of the cave. She found an edge, her hands scrambling for hold.  
  
  
_help me_ -

  
  
Gasping, she pulled herself upward; her clothes dripping with water, and boots half off her feet. Her mouth gaped as she sucked in the air; her lungs crying out for it. She never knew water could _hurt,_ the feeling the same as if she'd been caught in a sand storm; ravaged and left according to its mercy. 

  
  
‘Greedy, little rat,’ the voice purred. ‘This is all you’ll ever be.’

  
  
_Scrabbling for life in someone else’s home_ -

  
  
_wanting answers_ -

  
  
She crawled to the mirror and pressed her palm against it. Her touch left a red imprint; blood oozing from the cuts on her palm - the way she’d marked the days since coming to Ahch-to. “Show me my parents,” She whispered. She knew, somehow, that it could. “Please.”

  
  
‘ _You’d do anything for answers, wouldn’t you_?’

  
  
Yes. Yes. _Yes_ -

  
  
Rey did something she’d never done; not as a crying child that vomited after cramming sand down her parched throat, desperate to fill her protruding stomach. Not as a proud teenager, one known for the staff strapped across her back, and watchful eyes. Not as a woman watching the only ones, she’d considered friends, the only ones to burrow inside of her cracks, jump to hyper speed, on a craft the trio had worked on together.

  
  
For a year they’d saved parts, ignoring Plutt’s sneers as they grew thinner; feeding themselves on promises of what they’d do after the ship was completed, and sold, and laughter, instead of portions.

  
  
They’d laughed the hardest at the promise of taking the craft for a joyride before they sold it; flying it low around Niima Outpost (“Until we see the bastard’s face turn purple!”) Rey knew she was wrong. They hadn’t laughed the hardest at that promise; but at seeing her left behind, standing in the sand with her three buns askew. She hadn’t broken then. She hadn’t bent. She never begged.

  
  
She begged then.

  
  
“I want nothing else- “Her head shook, her eyes blinking tears away rapidly. “I’ve _never_ wanted anything more than this.”

  
  
_as if it cared._

  
  
“Please,” she whispered. “Please show me- “

  
  
_who i mattered to_.

  
  
The mirror showed her nothing but her reflection.

  


* * *

  
  
“I’ve never felt so alone.”

  
  
Rey pulled the blanket closer about her shoulders; shivering, despite how close she was to the roaring flames. She’d dragged herself from the cavern, stumbling and clutching her midsection, and thrown herself into the first hut.

  
  
She hadn’t cried as she found a blanket, and knelt by the fire pit, using sticks to cobble together a fire. She hadn’t cried and wished for someone to be there, beside her; someone who would understand as she scrubbed her cheeks angrily. She _hadn’t_.

  
  
Across from her, Kylo leaned forward.

  
  
His hand outstretched, and fingers trembling.

  
  
“You aren’t alone,” He murmured, his voice thick with something she was afraid to name. She swallowed, her head lifting up to face him. Her eyes met his; his gaze honest, _burning_ in its intensity.

  
  
There was no hesitation; no doubt about what she would do. ‘What’s wrong?’ He’d asked when he’d appeared, a tentative companion as she’d cried before the dying flames. He’d asked after her, listened, and hadn’t laughed when she told him what happened. Impossibly, he’d been concerned. For her- (her breath caught)

  
_  
had anyone ever seen her? him?_

  
as they were- a boy and a girl, both alone in the world.

  
  
“Neither are you,” she whispered, her hand stretching; fingertips brushing his.

  
  
It was electric; their fingers entwining. He drew her closer, or maybe she pulled him forward; their cheeks bumping against each other, and hands pressed between them. Their gazes, just like their touch, never wavered.

  
  
“Rey,” he said.

  
  
“Ben.”

  
  
Her tongue skid along her bottom lip. “Kylo.”

  
  
She would have all of him; as he would have all of her.

  
  
His lips dusted kisses across her temple; the bridge of her nose, her cheeks, anywhere he could reach. She tilted her head and his lips found her neck; kissing just above her gland. “I’m here,” He said, “I’m here Rey.”

  
  
_for you_ -

  
  
“Only you.”

  
  
Her lips tentative, she found his gland. It was swollen and raw beneath her soft lips; a piece of him he couldn’t hide. “I know,” she whispered, his skin burning against her shy tongue. She felt the same. It was real, the ties between them cried, it was real and thriving; tying them together.

  
  
It was all they had.

  
  
A bond that wouldn’t crack, a bond that wouldn’t fall apart, as everything else had.

  
  
She lapped at his gland; moaning at the salty taste of him. He was more than an alpha; more than his designation, as far from the beasts that had chased her among the sand dunes. He was someone who wanted her.

  
  
Someone who understood her, and he in turn.

  
  
She suckled at his skin, rubbing her teeth against his gland. He moaned at the feeling; kissing her gland in turn and running his teeth against it. His touch was hard enough to leave a mark; imprinting his scent on her, yet not hard enough to break the skin. It was a rush of pheromones; a rush of warmth that tangled between them, just as their hands stayed together.

  
  
He pulled her into his lap, never letting go.

  
  
“Take what you need from me.”

  
  
_only me._

  
  
It wasn’t the war she thought of, not then. She’d been swept up into the arms of the Resistance, and they hadn’t let her go; sending her to Luke. The last Jedi, the best Skywalker of them all. She hadn’t had a choice, not like she had with Kylo.

  
  
He suckled at her gland, his teeth holding her in place; and she keened. She was in the arms of the worst Skywalker; the one who emphasized the line. Father killer, dark side, fallen golden child. The only one who made her feel whole.

  
  
“Kylo,” she whispered. “I want you.”

  
  
It was her own voice; not the one that sneered in her head, or the designation that haunted her; begging for soft furs and a strong Alpha. It was her; the girl with three buns, and woman who’d never been loved.

  
  
_wanted - needed -_

  
  
“You have all of me, Rey.” 

  
  
Her eyes were wide; impossibly wide as he offered himself to her.

  
  
She burrowed herself in his embrace; a part of her longing to roll about in the warmth that he emanated. His chest vibrated as he purred; low, teasing sounds that made her damp between her legs. She rubbed her thighs together; the sensation one she’d never known before.

  
  
“Kylo,” she whispered again, his name like honey on her tongue. She wanted him closer, closer, closer; entwining with each other until they became one.

  
  
“Please…”

  
  
_be my home._

_  
_

* * *

  
  
Her fingers wavered, pressed against her neck.

  
  
Her virgin gland ached.

  
  
“You’re not coming back,” Luke said from behind her. She’d heard him coming, his feet thunderous in the sand (she saw him with dripping teeth and raging eyes) and felt the waft of fear that surrounded him.

  
  
Her hand fell away.

  
  
“No,” she replied.

  
  
She bent, gathering a stack of driftwood.

  
  
They both knew there was nothing else to say. Not when Luke made the hut crumble about them; two people longing for each other, while he snarled and snapped. Raged, as only an alpha could. Kylo was gone in an instant; the connection between them snapped; leaving her there, alone.

  
  
With _him_. 

  
  
There was nothing that she could say - nothing she could do to make what Luke had seen go away. She’d swallowed, raising her hands in a placating manner.

  
  
“Luke- “

  
  
It hadn’t been enough for Luke. Nothing had. She’d forced herself to stand, trembling as he lashed out; breaking the furniture before turning to her. He’d wanted to kill her, stopping short of wrapping his hands about her throat when she’d called her staff to her, and forced it between them. 

  
  
“No,” she’d snarled.

  
  
He wouldn’t have her fear; he wouldn’t have her tears. He wouldn’t have anything of her. There was only one she’d wanted; one as real as the ashes left behind from the smothered flames.

  
  
“You won’t have me.”

  
  
Rey snorted, walking toward where her boat waited. She’d stayed on the opposite side of the island; watching the lanai as their mates returned and studied their ship designs. They were simple, curved boats meant for travel, and trade. She’d copied them; scavenging for twine that wouldn’t break; weaving it about the driftwood and shaping it into place, the same as the lanai’s own boats looked.

  
  
“I can’t-” He hesitated.

  
  
She didn’t turn; instead she dropped the driftwood and shoved through the pile; separating the pieces that she needed, and the ones she’d leave behind. She wasn’t idle, moving to fix the pieces she kept on to the boat’s side.

  
  
“I can’t have you here,” He said, quietly. “Not with my nephew as Kylo Ren.”

  
  
_my failure._

  
  
“The power that I sensed from him, the power that he has, I…”

  
  
She nodded shortly. “I know.”

  
  
She couldn’t deny that Kylo had blood on his hands; enough to turn the sand red. Still … she swallowed, the words bubbling up from her throat. “There is good in Kylo Ren.” She ran her fingers across the driftwood, feeling its groove and imperfections beneath her touch. “When we touched hands, I felt it.” 

  
  
“Enough to turn?” 

  
  
Luke knew, the lilt of his voice soft; gentle. “Enough to turn the tide of the war?”

  
  
He _knew_ she wouldn’t stake lives on the answer.

  
  
She straightened, having tied her last pieces into place. Inside of the boat was her cloak; half of it stripped into pieces if she needed bandages, having left half of it large enough to use as a blanket; tucked alongside her staff, and enough salted fish and water to last her several days. One chattering lanai promised there was an island nearby, if the tides were right.

  
  
“Where will you go?”

  
  
Rey grasped the back of the boat, pushing it into the shallow water. Her light saber was strapped to her thigh; soon becoming drenched as she waded further in. She kept her breath steady (in, out-) and her head held high. She ignored the ache between her thighs, and the way the frigid water burned. She ignored the need to look up to the sky; pretending to know where _he_ was.

  
  
She wouldn’t falter, not with her back turned back to him.

  
  
“Somewhere I’m wanted,” she wanted to say. “Somewhere I’m needed and can make a life of my own.” She’d done it once before and could do it again. She could find a crowded port, and act as a mechanic until she could go back to Jakku-

  
  
She shook her head, stilling her thoughts before they could become words.

  
  
Instead she clambered into the boat, resting her back against the wood. It was a sturdy little thing, one that she’d made; the scavenging, sand rat that always survived. “Somewhere I choose,” she said.

  
  
_somewhere away from here_.   
  
  
(please.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connect with me: https://januarywren.tumblr.com/ 🌹
> 
> and ask for me my discord! 🌹
> 
> Beta'd by Grammarly! 🤠


	2. II

[ ](https://www.freeiconspng.com/img/43168)

Something was wrong.

  
  
Rey leaned over the side of the boat, watching as her hands drew circles across the water. She winced as cramps rippled across her pelvis; painful, deep cramps that made her thighs squeeze together.

  
  
She remembered an old woman, a beta, who carved a home for herself in Niima Outpost by treating the girls who worked in the pleasure tents. Rey had never ventured close, no matter how gaunt her cheeks were, or throat burned. The cries emanating from the tents were enough to scare her away. There were girls that wailed; high pitched, animal like sounds that she heard in her nightmares. Other times they were joined by screaming and crying; ones that made her hold her staff close and clench her jaw tight.

  
  
Once, she’d hesitated.

  
  
The old woman noticed, as she came from the tent; her hands bright red. “ _Something you want, girl?_ ”

  
  
“ _What’s happening_?” Rey asked, swallowing. “ _To her_?” She heard the girl’s screams; reminding her of a heated happabore, before they lowered into guttural, rolling moans that made uncertainty creep beneath Rey’s skin. “ _Is she hurt?”_

  
  
“ _Ah, not in the way you think, girl_.” The woman wiped her hands off on her tunic. “ _Her bleeding’s ended, and heats started. They’ll be showing up soon enough,”_ she added, blowing greasy strands of hair from her eyes.

  
  
Unwillingly, Rey stepped closer.

  
  
She knew better. She did.

  
  
“ _Who_?”

  
  
The woman gave her an appraising look. “ _Alphas. They’ll all be wanting to take a turn, I’ll expect. She’s a pleasing one, though_ ” She sniffed, “ _a noisy bitch.”_

  
Alphas.

  
  
Rey had scurried off then, keeping her head low as speeders passed by. She knew alphas; hulking, fearsome creatures that snapped and snarled, and took without asking. Her knuckles turned white from gripping her staff; holding it tight against her chest.

  
  
“ _I’ll never be like one of them_ ,” she repeated. “ _Never, never_ \- “

  
  
She wouldn’t be an omega; one torn apart by alphas, and mercilessly bred. She’d never hesitated at the pleasure tents again, never let herself turn her head, and look back at the open flap and girls that hung outside of it. Girls like her; ones with wide eyes that burned with need, and a body that ached for touch. For praise.

  
  
“Never,” an older, thrashing Rey repeated. She grasped the wooden sides of the boat until she felt the wood splinter beneath her fingers; embedding in her fingertips. The cramps were sharp; sharper and taunting, unlike pain she’d known before ( _how many times had she hurt? had she fallen? broken, broken-)_.

  
  
She drew handfuls of water; bathing her cheeks in it.

  
  
She wasn’t going to dream. She was going to plan; determine the life she’d have, as every rock of the boat brought her closer to land. “You’re heading North,” she told herself, ignoring the wobble of her lip. “You’ll find an island – one bustling with life, a trading hub, with fantastic creatures tucked away. You’re good with your hands,” she stressed. “Finding things. Fixing things. You’ll find work as a mechanic.” Surely there’d be someone who needed a hand. “You’re useful. You’re- “

  
  
 _good girl; a good, good girl_ -

  
  
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, holding it still. Her mouth was dry; the same as if she’d eaten handfuls of thimble weeds.

  
  
“You’re good.” She said firmly. “You’re good, Rey.”

  
  
She wished it were another saying the words; one with cradling hands and eyes that saw all of her. 

* * *

  
  
She awoke with blood seeping from her.

  
  
Her hand drifted between her legs, feeling warmth there. She was so, so cold; the wind whipping about the boat. Her eyes, thick with sleep, widened as she lifted her hand upward.

  
  
“wha- “

  
  
 _blood_ -

  
  
She looked down at her legs and saw red staining her leggings. She scrambled to the other side of the boat; the sides of it rocking dangerously. There, where she’d slept, was a puddle of blood; half dried on the wood.

  
  
“I’m sick,” she whispered.

  
  
She was sick; she realized, her stomach folding in on itself. Sick and making the same noises (gurgled groans and whispered moans) _they_ had. She flinched; she’d seen the blood on the woman’s hands and the alphas-

  
  
 _no_ -

  
  
She shivered, digging her fingers into her elbows. The cramps were back with a vengeance; needles piercing her skin. She wasn’t safe, she realized; whatever sickness she had, if she met an alpha (not her alpha; not hers, not hers) if she went to the island-

  
  
The mast billowed, curving against the faint wind.

  
  
“I’m sick,” she repeated numbly.

  
  
She knew of places, crowded and bursting with life, that left the sick to wither and die.

  
  
For a moment she wished she’d asked the woman more questions; anything to let her know that her body was her own again. She shuddered; feeling more blood trickle between her thighs. She had a small tin of bacta, one that a Resistance member had given her before she left. Could it help?

  
  
Her hands shook as she reached for her bag; a crudely made satchel that she’d brought from Jakku. She hissed as her pain flared; dropping the bag by its strap. She was useless like that; a strangled cry escaping her lips. “Sick-“

  
  
She circled her legs around her knees, gathering them against her chest.

  
  
Tears soaked through the fabric, staining her skin.

* * *

  
  
“ _Rey_?”

  
  
Her head lolled, and eyes squinted.

  
  
She’d missed the tunneling of air, and blooming warmth in her chest that signaled their connection opening. Was it a dream? She glanced down at her side, where she’d left a water bottle. She hadn’t wanted food; her stomach revolted at the thought. Instead she’d been greedy for water, forcing herself to drink only cupfuls at a time.

  
  
She knew how to ration supplies; she knew how to survive.

  
  
Always.

  
  
But when her head lifted again, and eyes rested on the curve of his neck; she wanted nothing more than for him to take her in his arms, dream or not. “Ben,” she croaked. “Please- “

  
  
She started to unwind her arms from her knees, stretching them outward. “Rey,” He breathed, towering above her. “You’re alive.”

  
  
She blinked. “Yes.”

  
  
“You’re-” He broke off, dropping down to his knees. “Force, if this is a dream…”

  
  
His gloved hands were clenched into tight fists; ones that she pulled toward her. He gave her no resistance, his hands still as she tugged his gloves off, and entwined her fingers through his. “Why- why would you think I’m not…alive?” She asked, her brow furrowing.

  
  
“Skywalker,” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I thought he hurt you- “

  
  
“I wouldn’t let him,” she replied. “I…I won’t let anyone hurt me.”

  
  
“Rey- “

  
  
He leaned back, searching her face. She flinched, trying to look away (but wanting nothing more than to soak in his gaze-) but his hands unfurled from hers, grasping her cheeks; forcing her to look at him.

  
  
“Rey,” Kylo said again. “What happened?”

  
  
“I left,” she said, blinking rapidly. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. “I-I’m sick Kylo,” she trembled, feeling another wave of cramps. “I don’t know what’s wrong- what I have- “

  
  
His grip tightened, and she whimpered.

  
  
 _don’t let go, please_ -

  
  
“Please,” she whispered. “Please Kylo, just… just stay with me. For as long as this lasts,” she asked him, looking at him from beneath her damp eyelashes. He unfurled his cowl, wrapping it about her shoulders.

  
  
Impossibly, she felt the warmth of it; _his_ warmth.

  
  
“Show me,” he said.

  
  
“N-No,” her head shook. It was dirty; filthy, what was spilling from her. “I can’t.”

  
  
“Show me,” he repeated, pressing a kiss against her jaw. “Please Rey.”

  
  
Slowly, her hands drew downward; one pressed against her abdomen, and the other against her pelvis. “Here,” Rey said. “And there.”

  
  
Her cheeks burned as his gaze trailed downward, and hands joined hers. “I…I haven’t felt this before,” she admitted. She could feel his touch through her clothes. “It hurts like I’ve torn a muscle, but I-I’m bleeding Kylo. I heard of it on Niima but never saw- never knew- “

  
  
She felt like a stupid girl; a stupid _scavenger_ again and tried to pull her hands away.

  
  
 _stupiddirtygirl_ -

  
  
“Stop.”

  
  
There was no alpha command behind it; only a steely resolve that made her pause.

  
  
His hands kneaded her skin, gently as he spoke. “There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart,” He said; his voice softer than she’d ever heard. “ _Nothing_. This is a part of what you are.”

  
  
He drew her against him, their bodies fitting perfectly together.

  
  
“I will help you,” He whispered, his mouth pressing sweet kisses against the bridge of her nose, and the furrow of her brow. “Tell me where you are, Rey.”

  
  
She swallowed thickly.

  
  
“Luke-“

  
  
“I don’t want him,” Kylo said. “I want you, Rey, only you.”

  
  
Tentatively her lips met his, chastely kissing the corner of his mouth. “Promise me,” she whispered. “Promise me Kylo, you won’t hurt him.”

  
  
 _promise that you want me_ -

  
  
“I promise,” he said. “I want you more than anything, sweetheart.” He drew her tightly against him; his forehead resting against hers. “Just you.”

“Ahch-to,” she said. “I’m somewhere off the coast of Ahch-to.”

* * *

  
  
She drifted.

  
  
She lay sprawled out on her side; her arms tucked beneath her head. She’d dipped torn up bandages in the water, before bathing between her legs, and anywhere the blood stained. She wouldn’t have him find her awash in her own blood and writhing from pain.

  
  
 _if he came_ -

  
  
She squeezed her eyes tight.

  
  
Somewhere, deep down, she knew she didn’t doubt him. He’d sounded so certain; so intent on finding her (just her) that she… she didn’t doubt that he was telling the truth. He meant it, in the moment.

  
  
Rey exhaled; little puffs of air.

  
  
Anyone could say things. Anyone could-

  
  
_i’ll come back for you, sweetheart._

  
  
Her eyes drifted up to the stars; twinkling and gathered overhead. They were the same as the ones on Jakku; constant and glimmering and watching her as she watched them. She stretched her hand out, as if she could touch the brightest one.

  
  
“Anyone can come back,” she said.

  
  
She’d always believed that.

* * *

  
  
_She felt kisses on her skin._

_  
  
Her toes curled, feathery kisses adorning the arch of her feet - the curve of her calf - and the inner side of her thighs. His tongue traced a scar behind her knee, unsaid words rolling across her skin._

_  
  
He’d told her once, he wanted to know everything about her._

_  
  
“I told Plutt to give me more,” She mumbled, carding her fingers through his hair. He kept her there; in the present. “Before I learned how things were.”_

_  
  
He snarled at that; a spark of anger she knew wasn’t directed toward her. He nursed the spot, toying with her skin; saturating it with the scent of him. She giggled, luxuriating in the pheromones that hung heavy in the room; intoxicating to her senses. There was the headiness of nights spent together, and days filled with the thoughts of one another; a relentless, burning connection between them._

_  
  
They were two halves of a soul._

_  
  
“Please…” She cooed, rocking her hips against him._

_  
  
They’d come together countless times before; yet his touch always made her feel wanted; adored. His kisses, his tongue - all of him moved languidly, as if pleasuring her was the only thing he could think of. She wondered if he felt the same; her lips curving into a smile as purring filled the room._

_  
  
rey-rey-rey_

_  
  
He did._

_  
  
She arched her back, feeling his teeth graze the star-fish shaped mark. Mine, his mouth said, the imprint of his teeth bright on her skin. Mine to hold. Mine to have._

_  
  
Mine to love._

_  
  
He ran his fingers over her the dip of her pelvis, before caressing down, down to her slick privates. She was wet for him; wet from adoration and arousal. “Mine, sweet girl.” He said aloud._

_  
  
yes-yes_

_  
  
His hands came to hold her legs apart, as his mouth delved against her; teasing and nipping. There was nothing of her that she could hide; nothing of her that she could hold away from him, as he took her puffy clit between his lips; suckling on it. He thirsted for her; for her thoughts, her words, every part of her. She couldn’t get away, even if she wanted to._

_  
  
She wanted nothing more than to give herself to him._

_  
  
She spread her arms apart, moving them across silken sheets; softer than anything she’d ever known before, and saturated in the scent of him. Her shirt rode up about her stomach, exposing her delicate skin. “Yours.”_

_  
__  
_“Kylo,” she whispered.

 _  
_  
Her eyes fluttered open; wide and bright.

* * *

  
  
The star that she chose; the star that she’d touched grew brighter.

  
  
Closer.

  
  
Her ears perked; hearing the hum of an engine.

  
  
His TIE silencer came from the sky, flying low until its wings dipped; touching the water. Her boat swayed as she stood, on unsteady legs, and lurched forward; grasping the side. “Kylo!” She cried.

  
  
Her heartbeat roared in her ears.

  
  
 _he came back_ -

  
  
“Kylo!”

  
  
_for her for her for her_

_  
  
_She was dragged forward; her little boat careening through the water, forward, forward to the silencer, and his waiting arms.

* * *

  
“You’re safe,” Kylo crooned, his arms locked around her. “I’m here Rey, I’m here with you.” He lifted her easily; as if she weighed nothing and held her in his arms. She had no thought of what she left behind, only him-

  
  
His scent, his sheer _presence_. 

  
  
“You came,” Rey said. She felt like he had, wondering if the other was real. She buried her head in the crook of his neck; a sob escaping her. He was real, he was there; solid and terribly strong. She didn’t touch her lips to his gland, no, the temptation was too strong to bite down-

  
  
“I did.”

  
  
She made a noise in the back of her throat, wanting to wrap her legs about him. She hesitated; feeling the liquid that trickled between her legs, soaking into her leggings. As if he knew her intent, he hiked her leg up; letting her entangle her legs about his waist.

  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” he whispered; sensing her struggle. He would have all of her; staining him as he’d stain her.

  
  
The silencer’s hatch was open, and he pulled her down with him. He unhooked her staff from where it slung across her shoulder but made no move to take the light saber, he felt strapped about her thigh. “You’re safe now,” He repeated tenderly. With her in his lap, he pulled his cape forward; wrapping it about her. He’d had no thought when the bond opened, and he saw her in the beginning of her heat, only the overwhelming need to have her with him.

  
  
She was his; his precious, naïve little girl.

  
  
Nothing else mattered: his Master, Skywalker, the Resistance or the insufferable Hux. No, Kylo purred, the only one that mattered was the girl in his arms; the one he’d make his mate, his wife.

  
  
She was the only one who knew him; who’d wanted to stay.

  
  
 _Rey_.

  
  
He saw her unmarked gland; red and rubbed raw. She wouldn’t have to fight for scraps of portions, scratching marks on the wall, and fearing her _master_. She would have no tether; no collar, no - she would have everything and more.

  
  
His gloved hand caressed her neck.

  
  
“You always will be, with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connect with me: https://januarywren.tumblr.com/ 🌹
> 
> and ask for me my discord! 🌹
> 
> Beta'd by Grammarly! 🖤🦝


	3. III

  
The Master of the Knights of Ren’s homecomings were never quiet affairs.

  
  
Storm troopers lined the hangar as his silencer landed.

  
  
“Shh,” Kylo murmured as the girl in his arms stirred. He bent his head; running his lips against her gland. Pheromones lulled her into relaxing; tension leaving her small frame. “I’ve brought you home.”

  
  
They would make it one, together.

  
  
He lifted the hatch, climbing out from it with his mate in his arms. It was the same as on Takodana; when he’d caught her scent, and stalked her, caging her in his arms. Only this time she shifted; burying her face in his neck and let him cover her with his cape, as if she were a helpless kitten.

  
  
_his_.

  
  
He wouldn’t let the others see her; not with blood staining her legs, and her gland unmarked. He wanted her drenched in his scent; her neck ravaged by him, and her stomach swollen with their young. She’d be safe, and she’d be undeniably his.

  
  
He snapped his head up, familiar scents stinging his flaring nostrils.

  
  
A platform orbited toward them, a flaming haired general waiting for them. “Hux.” Kylo smirked at the tick in Hux’s cheek. No one else besides Phasma ignored _General_ Hux’s title.

  
  
Of course, Hux returned the favor.

  
  
Hux dragged a cigarette from his lips, blowing smoke in the air. “Ren,” Hux greeted. “I see you’ve brought a guest on-board.”

  
  
“Yes,” Kylo replied.

  
  
An eyebrow raised. “How _curious_.”

  
  
Hux edged closer; the medals adorning his great coat shining beneath the artificial light. “I trust she won’t be a distraction.” His lips curved about the word. “I doubt any unsuppressed creature would appreciate an unmated omega wandering the halls, with slick dripping down her thighs.”

  
  
Kylo kept his unmasked features still.

  
  
He’d learned from sitting on Han’s knee how to give nothing away; his father playing a losing hand of Sabacc, the same as when he had a masterful one: boldly. It was a lesson ( _the only one_ , he thought bitterly) that had served him well.

  
  
“Speaking from personal experience, _Armitage_?” Kylo murmured, brushing past the still general.

  
  
The Finalizer walls held countless secrets; some that banged and rattled the pipes, and others that hid in the med-bay like keening, writhing, and reeking little mice. A storm trooper snorted.

  
  
A blaster fired, and its target screamed. 

And with his back to them, Kylo allowed himself a smile.

* * *

  
  
“Rey?”

Knuckles skimmed against her cheek.

  
  
“Can you walk?” Kylo asked, his voice low. He’d carried her through endless hallways, stroking the small of her back, until they came to his private wing. It was the only space he had as his own; rooms dedicated to training, retiring, and guest quarters. The last room had never been used, the sheets still folded, and closet left untouched. He’d never invited a Knight in.

  
  
The Knights had their own wing; one that ran alongside their Master’s. They had their own training room; one that was larger than his, and frequently destroyed. Omegas were unknown among them; the Knights comprised of Alphas intent on tearing the others apart. All except one, Octans, preferred to go unsuppressed. They thrived on their desires; their powers feeding from their fulfillment and their rage, if denied.

  
  
They were far from the pliant creatures that swarmed the officer ranks. They were more than the fodder the Storm troopers were, yet infinitely less than the Supreme Leader was. They weren’t gentle. They weren’t kind. They were the ones that survived; their loyalty to the side that kept their hearts beating, and veins rife with power. They were alike in their craving; their ceaseless hunger for more.

  
  
“Let me go.”

  
  
His brunette girl shifted in his hold, her feet touching the ground. She was like a newborn colt; her legs wobbling as she took a tentative step forward. Kylo caught her as she fell; his fingers grasping her elbow tight. “Kylo- “

  
  
She squirmed as he pulled her back into his arms. She was meant to be there; her body fitting against his as he carried her down the hall, to his bedroom.

  
  
“Don’t laugh,” She whispered, as he pressed his hand against the screen. It scanned his hand, beeping briefly, before the door opened on its own. “Please...Kylo”

  
  
“I won’t.”

  
  
He couldn’t remember the last time he had.

  
  
_yet_ -

  
  
He wouldn’t. Not at her, never at her. 

  
  
He wasn’t kind. He wasn’t gentle. He was nothing like the girl he allowed in his bed; setting her down on the edge. He kneeled on the floor, in front of her, and pulled her legs apart. She was the roaring light; while he was in still darkness.

  
  
Neither of them were free.

  
  
Yet together, (his heart skipped a beat), they could be. She would see.

  
  
“Why?” Rey asked, her brow knitting as he slid her boots off her feet. His movements were impossibly tender as he stroked her toes; his hands without callous. His eyes raised to meet hers.

  
  
She shivered at the raw _pain_ in them. (Was it for her?) It was a sight she never wanted to see; yet found thrilling all the same. Her toes tingled and curled inward.

  
“I thought you were dead.”

  
  
Her hand found his.

  
  
“I don’t want your guilt,” Rey said, licking her lips uncertainly. She’d seen what guilt did, how it festered and boiled inside of someone. She wanted nothing from Kylo, nothing that was from guilt or regret.

  
  
_see me_ , her insides cried; _only me, please_ -

  
  
  
She felt her stomach cramping with nerves. “I’m fine, Kylo-“

  
  
“Rey.”

  
  
“The day in the forest,” Kylo interrupted. “When I said I’d teach you the ways of the Force, I meant it.” His free hand drew to her stomach, kneading the taut skin. “I meant _this_.”

  
  
He leaned forward, pressing his lips against her ankle.

  
  
She sucked in a breath. “I hurt you.”

  
  
She knew, in the place in her soul where her parents were buried, and shattered glass lay ( _Han offering her a job - the warmth in the early morning on Jakku - her hand reaching out to meet another_ ) that he’d made a choice not to hurt her then, and she’d made a choice too. One that she’d make again and again, if she relived that day again. 

  
  
“You did.”

  
  
His eyes hadn’t left hers; softening as she gazed at his scar.

  
  
“I wanted you then, as I want you now.” He murmured. “All of you. Rey.”

  
  
“As your apprentice?” She pressed. She wanted to see his hand; know how he valued her, what he would trade for. It was the language she knew on Jakku; the language of bartering and its nuances; wanting what the other had, pretending with a snort and flipped hair that the price was too high, all while knowing it was too low. Was she silver or was she gold?

  
  
“ _You’re nothing_ ,” the voice whispered, sinking its teeth into her collarbone. “ _Nothing at all_.”

“No, Rey.“

  
  
_No_ – he wanted her infinitely more than that; he wanted her in every way that he could have her, until he was buried beneath her skin as she was in his. He knew she was wavering; fuck, he could smell her distress, and it clawed at him as nothing else could. “As my mate.”

  
  
“As the only one who knows me, as the only one who stands beside me.” His hands crept to her waistband, slowly unbuttoning them. “My everything, if you’ll have me, Rey.”

  
  
Her big, wide eyes searched his. “You want me?” She asked, as uncertain as any abandoned child.

  
  
“Yes.” He said simply, never letting her gaze go. “Only you.”

  
  
He hadn’t been able to see another; let alone _think_ of one since he’d met her. She was all that he knew when he kept his eyes open or closed them. He found himself repeatedly tracing the scar across his face, that ended just below his chest, and remembered the glint of her lightsaber when she’d stood above him.

  
  
“Rey.”

  
  
Her hands crept upward; covering her face. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, yes, yes- “

  
  
She was greedy for him; all of him.

  
He smelled the saltiness of her tears, and nuzzled his cheek against her knee, before pulling her pants down. She’d never been wanted; just as he’d never been, not for themselves. They were wanted for the Force that resided inside them; the blood that ran through his veins, and the potential of what they could be. What they were.

  
  
He saw her, her legs bare, as he threw her pants aside.

  
  
Blood caked her thighs; streaks of it marring her tanned skin. Rey squirmed; rubbing her legs together as blood leaked from her privates. “Please,” she said. “It hurts-“

  
  
“I know what you need,” He murmured, his voice hoarse. “You’re going into heat, little one.” He spread her legs apart, his hands curled about her thighs. He leaned forward, nuzzling his cheek against her thigh.

  
  
“It starts with menstruating,” He tilted his head, his nose skimming her clit. She shivered beneath him, a whimper escaping her lips. “You’ll bleed here,” He kissed the apex of her clit, little curls tickling his skin. “Cramping, wanting to stay by me- “

  
  
She stiffened before his fingers drew circles across her skin; one he wanted her to find soothing. “It’s natural Rey,” He said, knowing the crux of her thoughts. She was so, so strong; his scavenger. She’d always fended for herself; fighting, screaming, aching – she’d done everything she could to survive.

  
  
With him, she needed nothing more than to feel.

  
  
He kissed her clit again, before tipping his face lower; his mouth touching her slick folds “It’ll last for a few days, then your heat will start. You’ll want nothing more than to be pinned beneath me, knotted, and begging for more.” She shifted, blood gushing from her.

  
  
“Kylo- “

  
  
“I’ll take care of you,” Kylo said, flicking his tongue against her sex. She whimpered sweetly; his tongue squirming between her folds. He tasted the musk of her; sweat and desire folded together. “I won’t make you beg.” He wouldn’t tease her; making her writhe without relief and deny her what she needed. “I won’t make you plead for release.”

  
  
His hands held her open, open, open-

  
  
He suckled at her sex; humming as he did so. The vibrations made her tremble, tiny gasps filling the air, as he guzzled her offerings. He was greedy; he’d always been. He was greedy for power, for knowledge, for everything that the world had to offer; yet he wanted nothing more – _nothing_ – than her. He wanted to fill her with him; his cock hardening. He wouldn’t, not until she was ready for him.

  
  
For now, she would only know his tongue; twisting and turning inside of her. Her hands carded through his hair, before gripping it tightly. “Kylo,” She moaned. “Right there- “

  
He curled his tongue inside of her.

  
  
She held him by his hair, forcing him deeper into her sex. He was lapping and suckling; his teeth scraping against her folds. She bucked beneath him; his hands wrapped underneath and around her thighs, holding her down taut.

  
  
He knew that she needed more; her squeals and gasps everything to him. He wanted to drown in her; his face covered in her juices as she ground against his face. His nose, his lips, the scar that ran across his face was covered in her.

  
  
She keened, reaching her peak. Cum gushed into his mouth; warm and thick, and he swallowed it all. He loved her nectar; regardless of the blood that came with it.

_ambrosia_

His tongue withdrew; flat and firm as he lapped at her filthy clit. He wanted to clean her; ignoring her protests. Her sex was taut with nerves; and trembled beneath his mouth.

  
  
“T-too much,” Rey panted. “Please Kylo- “

  
  
She yanked at his hair, and he let his head fall back. He met her hooded eyes; adoring how they widened when he licked his lips, swallowing the taste of her. “Let me clean you,” He said, lowering his head again. He licked at her thigh; cleaning the blood from her skin, before moving to her other thigh. The blood was metallic on his tongue; a taste that he knew well, yet it had a sweet undertone, one rife with the natural taste of her.

  
  
And then he was back at her sex; the only one that he’d ever desired.

  
  
He nipped at her folds; teasing as he lapped at her folds again. He brought her to climax; swirling his tongue inside of her, before giving her tentative, sweet licks. It wasn’t long before she’d cum again; whimpering his name and grasping at his shoulders with shaking hands. “This is the only mouth you’ll ever know,” Kylo said, his voice muffled with his lips buried in her curls. “The only mouth you’ll want, the only touch you’ll think of- “

  
  
His instincts screamed to take her; his fingers harshly grasping her thighs. He knew he would leave bruises; yet not where he wanted. He wanted to sink his teeth into her gland and have her saturated with his scent; forever and ever. No, _no_ -

  
  
Saliva pooled in his mouth, and he swallowed thickly.

  
  
He would claim her when she was ready, her body inflamed with heat, and her mouth filled with his name. He would mar her virgin gland when he knotted her; holding her against him, neither of them able to break away. He wouldn’t mark her before then.

  
  
She tugged at his hair, nudging his face with her hips; drawing him from his thoughts. He kissed her clit again, his tongue tickling her bud; and toying with it like she wanted. He’d meant it when he said he would take care of her; she’d never want, never long for anything but his touch. He was ruthless. He was cruel.

  
  
Yet never with her; never with his mate, never with _Rey_.

  
  
She crooked her legs; his fingers loosening as she hooked her legs over his shoulders. She was bare to him; bare to his touch, and his desires. She was his treasure; his to satisfy and delight. His jaw ached as he buried his face inside of her once more, his tongue finding its home inside of her.

  
  
She chimed his name as she came again, and again.

* * *

  
  
He crept up on to the bed.

  
  
It was theirs; her blood christening the covers.

  
  
He’d order droids to change the sheets later; (His lip raised in a sneer - what else were droids good for? They were meant to serve; a means to an end.) when Rey was awake. He settled against the pillows and smiled as she instinctively curled against his side. His cowl was still wrapped about her neck; remaining from when he’d passed it through the bond to her. He hadn’t known if he could – if anything could be shared between them, but thought it was so after he’d touched his cheek and felt the rain from Ahch-to. He hadn’t been able to smother his surprise. His interest.

  
  
Somewhere, deep down in the crevice of his soul, remained Ben Solo.

  
  
He’d been a curious child; a wanting child. C-3PO had exhausted his memory bank, entertaining the child for hours with stories of his forefathers. The Old Republic. The Empire. R2-D2 was never far from his side; projecting moving pictures alongside C-3PO’s recollections. Yet never of his grandfather; never of Anakin Skywalker.

  
  
His arm tightened about the sleeping girl’s waist, pulling her closer.

  
  
They’d been liars, all of them, a fact that he’d never forgotten. His mother, his father, his uncle, and the droids he’d thought of as his family – they had shaped history to their will, _his_ history, and cut away the rest. They’d left the remnants behind; remnants he’d found, and devoured.

  
  
A memory came to him, unbidden: the first time he’d stood before Snoke, the Supreme Leader, after his world had been consumed by roaring fire. He’d kept his head held high, and eyes ahead. He was unflinching; his eyes locked on the imposing Muun, the one that had haunted him, known him, more than any of the others that surrounded him.

  
  
“ _Ben Solo_.”

  
  
“ _Supreme Leader_.” His voice was not that of a man; not yet, as it warbled at the end.

  
  
At his sides, his curled hands shook.

  
  
“ _Tell me child_ ,” Snoke purred, his voice gravel and honey. “ _Will you kneel before me, as the others do? Or will you stand, as if you consider me your equal?_ ”

  
  
Ben, he’d been **Ben** then, without his mask, blinked.

  
  
“ _Ah_.”

  
  
Snoke leaned forward, his hands interwoven in his lap. “ _Luke Skywalker never asked, did he? He demanded._ ” He smiled, his teeth glinting in the harsh light. “ _I will always give you a choice, young…_ ”

  
  
“ _Skywalker._ “ 

  
  
Only the name hadn’t fit; not as a crown atop his curls, but as a noose about his taut neck. “ _Supreme Leader_ -“, Ben started. He hadn’t learned not to speak out of turn, not yet (not, a traitorous voice whispered, when Snoke had been gentle; _encouraging_.). “ _I…_ ”

  
  
“ _Yes?_ ”

  
  
“ _I want more than that_.”

  
  
He wanted to be more than a name; more than a forced upon birth right. He longed to be understood; to be heard, something he’d never been. His childhood was dominated by the sight of his father’s back, the sound of his steps growing fainter, while his mother’s screams grew louder. No one had listened to Ben’s whimpers then; just as they never listened, never saw, the clench of his hand when Leia discussed having him go into politics, or the dip of his shoulders, lower and lower, as Luke grew colder. No, no one had listened to him; no one had cared.

  
  
Except for the voice inside of his head, the one that no one else heard, the one that _understood_.

  
  
The one that was always there.

  
  
_Kneel_ , the voice urged; _Kneel and you’ll be free_.

  
  
The voice was a whisper skimming across Ben’s shoulders, forcing (no – no, _allowing_ ) him down to his knees. He bowed his head, a move entirely his own.

  
  
“ _So, you will be_.” Snoke’s smile widened. “As my _apprentice_.”

  
  
That was the moment Kylo Ren emerged; a gnashing and clawing dog ever at his master’s slipper-clad feet. Their interests aligned, the master and his dog; both craving more. It was natural, Snoke had mused, to want what the world had to offer. It was a simple concept; taking what was theirs, fulfilling their needs, that the Jedi had torn themselves apart trying to oppose it.

  
  
Kylo shifted, looking down at the girl in his arms.

  
  
She was the one he wanted, the one the very Force had brought to him, as his equal. Oh, she could snap and snarl, irrevocably maiming him, yet she could accept him as savagely as she could fight him. With her-

  
  
With her, he could be enough.

  
  
With her, the ever-present hum inside his mind stifled. (What the hum _was_ , he wouldn’t - couldn’t examine.) With her, he wouldn’t be alone. It wasn’t the physical intimacy that he needed, as Han Solo had spent his life chasing, but a connection of the soul; their hearts, their minds, their very use of the Force entwined into one. She knew him more than any other did, and he wanted to believe the reverse was true.

  
  
“Extraordinary,” He whispered.

  
  
She was extraordinary, his little scavenger.

  
  
She slept like a child, eager to trust, with her head against his chest and brow slightly furrowed. He traced her brows with his finger, smoothing them until she relaxed. “He’ll let me keep you,” He murmured. “I know he will, sweetheart.” The words clung to his lips.

* * *

  
  
Kylo awakened to the sound of running water.

  
  
He shifted, stretching his arms forward. A frown graced his lips; finding the space beside him empty, only a faint warmth left behind. “Rey?”

  
  
He should have woken the moment she left him. Alphas were driven to protect their omegas; their possessive nature turning relentless during their mate’s heats. They were meant to wrap themselves about their mate; ensuring that they could nest and be knotted without worry. Kylo sat up, fury flickering in his eyes.

  
  
_Hux_ …

  
  
Had he done something? Or Phasma? As obsessed as she was with revisions to the Storm Trooper program, he put nothing past her; as irritatingly aware of her as she was of him. The three of them were far from a golden trio. They were a snake pit, and Rey was the rat.

  
  
No. _No_.

  
  
He moved to his feet and was at the ‘fresher door before he could blink.

  
  
_failure, failure, failure_ -

  
  
The thought clanged inside his mind, his instincts on over drive. He wrenched open the ‘fresher door-

  
  
To see Rey in front of him; a grey towel wrapped about her chest, and her hair in damp ringlets about her face. “Kylo?” She squeaked; her eyes wide. He threw his arms around her, pulling her close against his chest.

  
  
“You left. “

  
  
“Kyl- “

  
  
“You left,” He repeated, cutting her off. She squirmed against him, his arms tightening. “You can’t Rey- “

  
  
“You’re hurting me- Kylo!”

  
  
He wasn’t gentle, his fingers curling about her elbows, knowing they’d leave ugly imprints behind. She didn’t cower.

  
  
“I never left,” She said, her head tilting back, and eyes searching his. Confusion crossed her features; before she found what she was looking for. “I’m here Kylo-“

  
  
His grip lessened, as she stretched on the tips of her toes; resting her head against his shoulder. “I wanted to use the ‘fresher - I…I’ve never used one with hot water before.” He wanted to laugh.

  
  
He wanted to cry.

  
  
He did neither, instead whispering: “You can’t leave Rey.”

  
  
He knew she wouldn’t like that: _can’t_.

  
  
She wouldn’t be caged; she wouldn’t be contained. They held the same shrieking beasts inside them; demanding their freedom. He knew, he _knew_ her beast the same as he knew his; the same as if it was her beast raking its claws over his skin. If she asked him to let her board an x-wing, he’d get her clearance and a forged identity before anyone would know (please, he thought, _please don’t ask me_ to let you go). He would, he knew he would, the same as he knew he would protect her with everything that he had; regardless of whether she bore his mark or not. Yet he wanted nothing more than to tuck her beneath him, never letting her go.

  
  
“You don’t own me, Kylo.” She trembled in his hold.

  
  
“No,” He agreed.

  
  
“You own me.”

  
  
Her exhale ended in a whine; his words stroking the beast inside.

  
  
He nuzzled his face against her neck, licking a hot, long stripe against her swollen gland. She shivered; relaxing a fraction against him. “You do Rey, you own me; ever since you left me in the snow.” No, she’d claimed him before then; ever since she’d escaped from Jakku with the droid and the traitor.

  
  
She leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. “In the ‘fresher the soap smelled like you,” Rey confessed. “I didn’t want to wash you off.” A part of her heat, he knew, but still-

  
  
His heart skipped a beat.

  
  
“It didn’t taste like you though,” She mumbled, scrunching her nose.

  
  
“Are you hungry?” Kylo purred, pheromones washing over them as he licked and scraped his teeth over her gland. He felt her weakening, her hand grasping his shirt.

  
  
“K-Kylo- “

  
  
She shook her head. “No.”

  
He moved back toward the bed, taking her with him.

  
  
“Are you lying to me, Rey?” He asked, the back of his legs hitting the bed. He sat down, pulling her in between his knees, and let go of her gland. She whimpered at the loss of his mouth; a blush staining her cheekbones.

  
  
Her stomach rumbled lowly.

  
  
“It seems like you are.”

  
  
His brave girl met his gaze. She wouldn’t break, not because of him, or anyone. Rey’s head jerked up and down, droplets of water sliding down her skin. Kylo watched the movement; tracking the roll of the droplets, until they trailed beneath the towel.

  
  
“I am.”

  
  
“I won’t deprive you, Rey.”

  
  
He would hold himself back before he ever denied her.

  
  
_why_?

  
  
He could say he didn’t know. He could lie to himself as well as any other; surpassed only by his father, who could charm and endear the world to him; all while spilling the ugliest of lies. Yes, Kylo could lie to himself, just as he could lie to the world, a pretty trick learned from his father ( _and his mother and his uncle_ , a voice hissed) yet he preferred honesty.

  
  
At least to himself. At least to her.

  
  
He wanted to make her happy; his fierce scavenger, his equal in the force, his little mate. He wanted to make her happy the same as he wanted to murder his uncle in his bed, ground Hux’s face into durasteel, or have the world whisper his name the same way as they said Darth Vader. He wanted all those things, yet he wanted to make her happy more. Kylo smiled, a crooked, toothy smile.

  
  
_fool_ -

  
  
Still, he’d never turned from the truth.

  
  
Rey watched him, the same as he watched her.

  
  
“Portions?” She asked, uncertainty and hopefulness lacing her tone.

  
  
He held back his anger; his teeth wanting to gnash as he thought of the way she’d lived before. He could see her collarbone protruding from the slip of her towel and knew the feeling of her rib cage against his hands.

  
  
_never again, never, never, never_ -

  
  
“Anything you’d like.”

  
  
He'd give her more than portions; she’d never have them again. His hand caressed her cheek, while his thumb stretched to trace her upper lip. “Are you bleeding still?” Kylo asked softly. “Does it hurt?”

  
  
He wouldn’t look between her legs, as if she were an animal; instead keeping his gaze on her face. “The water helped,” Rey said, slowly (as if he would stop her) to sit in his lap. “I didn’t want to-“, her cheeks deepened, and she swallowed. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

  
  
He wrapped one arm about her waist, before raising the other, a data-pad flying from his nightstand to his hand. He tapped at buttons, ordering fruit, _fresh_ and obnoxiously expensive, that he knew Hux kept in reserve for his favorite officers, bottled water and packets of electrolytes, and other snacks; as well as an order for new sheets, and extra pillows and blankets. He glanced at Rey, wondering if she would want to nest after her heat began in earnest. He added even more to the order, before sending the pad back to his nightstand.

  
  
“Never feel that way,” He said, curling his fingers beneath her chin. Her eyes narrowed and he knew protests rose on her tongue; his independent girl. “Not toward me. I’m yours Rey,” He brushed his nose against hers, and kissed her lips chastely. “And you’re mine.”

  
  
He felt, rather than heard, her whispered response against his skin.

  
  
“ _Yes_.”

  
  
Slowly, his hands entangled in her hair.

* * *

  
  
The droids came.

  
  
He kept them away from Rey.

  
  
Or rather, he kept her away from them.

  
  
“Why do you wear your hair like this?” Kylo asked, tracing the curve of her neck with his fingers. Wisps of hair hung down; tickling his skin. He longed to braid it; something he hadn’t done to another in years. Rey rested her cheek against the glass, looking at the stars.

  
  
“Orion.” He said, when she didn’t reply. “Scorpius. Aquila.”

  
  
He named every constellation that her finger pointed to.

  
  
“Cygnus. Octans.”

  
  
“Do you know them all?”

  
  
“Yes,” He said simply. They were a constant in his world, lending their very names to the Knights of Ren. “Pictor.”

  
  
His fingers found hers, guiding it toward a cluster of four, bright stars. “Crux. The emblem of the Skywalkers.” He felt her hesitate.

  
  
“Your family,” she said slowly.

  
  
He kissed her neck, her skin clammy. Her heat was rising; making him wonder when it would have her crashing down in his arms. “No, Rey” He said. “They were never my family.”

  
  
He saw her lips part.

  
  
“Why do you wear your hair like this?” Kylo repeated.

  
  
“My mother- she did my hair like this,” Rey replied, avoiding his gaze. “When I was young, I think.” She wanted to say that she remembered; as certain about the memory as she was about her heartbeat.

  
  
She wanted to say many things.

  
  
It was still new to her; strange, to speak to another, not about parts or rations. Strange to be touched. Wanted. She leaned back against him, her legs against her chest. She wore his clothes; his black t-shirt and boxers with her blood slowly staining the seams.

  
  
“They abandoned Ben Solo,” He murmured, resting his head against her neck. “They abandoned me, Rey, with every thought, and every choice they made.”

  
  
Luke. Leia. Han-

  
  
She flinched.

  
  
Han had been the first alpha she wasn’t afraid of, the first one to look at her as more than her designation. He’d fed her, he’d offered her a job and gave her a blaster- he’d come back for her.

  
  
“We’re more alike than you know,” Kylo said, his lips against her ear.

  
  
Her eyes closed.

  
  
She was burning; flames licking inside her heart, and rib cage. She could open her mouth and scream; blowing smoke in his face until he was alight; their bodies writhing and burning in tandem. She could. She knew the droids were leaving, sealing the door behind them. She also knew that the outer hallway was abandoned, having seen through hazy eyes how private the man who held her was; his wing was left unguarded because of his reputation alone.

  
  
No one came close to him. No one, except her.

  
  
_when had anyone let her in_?

  
  
She turned her head, catching his lips with hers.

  
  
It wasn’t a kiss meant to steal his breath away; her soft lips kissing the corners of his chastely. She turned to him, on her own volition, leaning against his chest fully. “Kylo,” She said.

  
  
“Rey.”

  
  
Her hands raised to cradle his face; a feather light touch he’d never known before. The gentleness of it took his breath away; the way her fingers stroked his skin and followed his scar without shame.

  
  
She dusted kisses over the dip of his lip, the tip of his nose, and over his cheeks and his eyelids. It didn’t take his breath away, no; it made him melt into her arms, into the home of her embrace. His heart beat steadily inside his chest; every thump calling her name.

  
  
_rey, rey, rey_ -

All around them, the Force hummed in the background. It was the same as a purring loth-cat, content at their closeness; their hands finding each other, and fingers entwining. “This is more than just your heat,” Kylo murmured. “So much more, Rey.”

  
  
He knew the thoughts that were surfacing; her naivety with the Force meaning she was unable to keep him from skimming the surface of her thoughts. Rey met his gaze; nibbling on her swollen bottom lip. “Do you promise?” She asked lightly.

  
  
“I’ll never lie to you,” He replied, stroking her cheek with his knuckles. “I haven’t lied to you Rey. When I told you, I’d teach you the Force, when I said I didn’t hate my father- “

  
  
“Han,” She said. “Han Solo.”

  
  
“Yes,” He agreed calmly. “When I told you about the night, I destroyed the temple, I never lied to you, and I won’t start now.” He continued to stroke her cheek, not wanting to pull away from her. “You’re important to me Rey.”

  
  
His other hand came to rest on her waist.

  
  
“When your heat crests, I’ll knot you.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Over and over, Rey.” He, more than any of the other Knights, knew the power of unsuppressed desire. “Do you know the purpose of your heat, Rey?”

  
  
She traced circles on his skin, not replying.

  
  
“You’re fertile- “His cheeks flamed like an adolescent’s. “We have implants- “

  
“We - the First Order?”

  
  
“Yes.” He wouldn’t ask them to join the First Order, not yet. “I can’t promise that you won’t conceive,” He said softly, splaying his fingers across her abdomen. He felt cramps ripple beneath his hand; her skin taut beneath the black fabric. “Implants have failed before between alphas and omegas, especially if mated. It will be painful to go unknotted but I can help you through other ways-

  
Rey looked away.

  
  
“Have you-“

  
  
Her leg tapped against the window seat. “Have you had someone before?” Her brow furrowed, and eyes narrowed. “Do you have chi- children, Kylo?” She untangled her hands from about his, motioning between them. He scented her distress, the taste of it bitter on his tongue. “Do you- “

  
  
“No.”

  
  
He shook his head, his tone earnest. “The way I was raised Rey, seeing my- my parents tear each other apart,” His teeth gritted. “I wanted to be a Beta. I never wanted to experience ruts or have a cloister of Omegas.” Nor had the celibacy instilled by the Jedi, an edict harshly instructed by his Uncle, helped. “I never wanted to share myself with another, in that way.”

  
  
No, the things he’d wanted before Rey, had been far different. Easier, he thought, in a way. Colder, and efficient like the durasteel that defined the Finalizer’s walls. “Once, in Rut, a Beta tried to help.” His lip curled at the word: _help_. The woman had shown up at his door in the midst of his masturbation, and he’d yanked her inside his room without a second thought. He’d kept his gloves, his shirt, and his mask on, allowing the officer to service him. “It sickened me. _She_ sickened me, Rey, in ways that you never could.”

  
  
Tentatively, her fingers found his again. “After…that, you never took another?”

  
  
“I didn’t hold her,” Kylo murmured. “I didn’t kiss her, or scent her, Rey. She never saw anything of me but my member,” His hand moved downward, tracing her collarbone. “I’ve taken my Ruts alone and haven’t wanted another woman outside of it.”

  
  
He wasn’t his father; a thought he’d whispered over and over to himself, as he’d milked his cock, and let cum spurt on to his chest. He’d never have a family to abandon, a mate to hold and know when he’d betrayed her; coming to her bed and reeking of spirits and another omega in heat. “I’ll never be him.”

  
  
It’d kept his tears away, as he’d turn and face the wall; hearing Snoke laughing in the back of his soul at the cum staining his skin, and the pain searing into his soul. “I’m-“

  
_  
alone._

  
  
He dipped his head, exhaling warm, puffs of air against her skin. “Nor have I wanted to - except for you.”

  
  
She was silent for a moment; the only sound between them the sound of their breathing.

  
  
“Okay,” she said. “Okay.”

  
  
_i trust you_.

  
  
He held her tight, the warmth from her soaking into his skin. He wanted all of her; her fiery warmth and the passion she exuded. He wanted _her_.

  
  
And in his arms, his love thought of the time he’d spent with her; the words he’d said, what he’d done. She chewed on her lower lip, stripping back the skin until it drew blood; crimson bubbling to the surface.

  
  
Before-

  
  
Before, her hand fumbled between them, cupping his crotch. “Do you- “

  
  
She’d heard of what men liked, of what they’d wanted.

  
  
He stilled beneath her trembling hand, making no move to keep it there. His lips parted slightly; inhaling through his mouth and tasting her pheromones. “Do you want me to?”

  
  
She swallowed, keeping her gaze on the window; the stars. “Please you? Here?”

  
  
_fear._

  
  
He twisted, holding her between his legs.

  
  
“Rey- “

  
  
“I know you’ll help me through my heat,” She mumbled. “You- you already have.” Her cheeks turned pink and she ducked her head. “I want to do something for you.”

  
  
He stared at her reflection, a beat, before his hands tangled through her hair. He wanted to pepper her cheeks with kisses, and he did; tilting her head back, so her eyes looked up to his. They widened as he kissed the cupid’s bow of her lips; and blinked as his hair tickled her cheeks. 

  
  
Trembling lips met his, her eyes closing.

  
  
“You can do whatever you want, sweetheart.” He whispered into her skin. His heart beat steadily in his chest; free from the weight that pressed it down, down into the cavern of his chest. “Whatever you’d like.”

  
  
His body, his soul was hers.

  
  
“But.”

  
  
His finger brushed against her lips, teasing them open, and slipped his finger into her mouth. Her tongue was as sweet as she was; curling about his fingertip and caressing his skin. He eased another finger in; skimming it against her teeth. She made no move to bite; only nipping as his finger curled about a canine, teasing her. He hummed in pleasure. 

  
  
“You have nothing to prove,” He murmured, adding a third finger inside her wet mouth. Her cheeks puckered as she suckled on his fingers; treating them as if they were a treat. “Not to me.”

  
  
_never to me_.

  
  
Her eyes stayed closed, as she drank him in.

  
  
“You’re enough, Rey.”

  
  
_you’ll always be_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connect with me: https://januarywren.tumblr.com/ 🌹
> 
> and ask for me my discord! 🌹
> 
> Beta'd by NCUH! 🦝🖤


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> First off, I'm so, so very sorry about the delay in updating Mercury Unbound. I ran into terrible writer's block, and couldn't think of an alternative to the ideas I had in mind, for where the story should go. I felt terrible, working on other stories while struggling with Mercury Unbound. ;; 
> 
> The comments I've received have been amazing, and mean the world to me. 💗 You're all so sweet, and kind, and the comments you leave make me feel like my writing *is* enough. I know that I say it often, but, you really are the sweetest, nicest readers that anyone could ask for. 🌹 
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy chapter four! 💗

He watched her dream of countless, bubbling things.

  
There were blurred faces and harsh words, and if he closed his eyes, he could feel his cheek sting from the wild heat and shifting sands. There was no one beside him, no one behind him. There was only a lone figure with three buns, standing amidst the sand, and far below the beating sun. 

  
  
He held his omega closer, feeling her shift in his arms. She panted softly in her sleep, her tongue lolling to the side of her mouth. Her heat was cresting, and he knew he would have to take care of her soon; even then, his long fingers stroking her flat stomach, and the dip of her hips, that led toward her pretty mound.

  
  
He wanted to have her, relentlessly fucking her on her hands and her knees, or pinning her beneath him, feeling her legs wrap about his waist while he filled her. Her body was crying out to be fucked, the very blood that had streamed between her legs a sign that she needed to be bred.

  
  
 _Craved_ it.

  
  
Yet she was more than her designation, more than the sickly-sweet scent that was soaked into her skin; making him ache to protect her. She was _Rey,_ her name sweet, and thickly rolled across his tongue. He wanted to bathe her in kisses and wrap her trembling form in silken sheets while giving her everything that she wanted, everything that she needed. The doors to his apartment were kept barred, no trooper or protocol droid disturbing them again. He’d bathed her, by hand in the shower, and lingered between her legs; washing the blood away with his tongue. She’d clutched his shoulders, and cried his name, bucking her hips against his face, as she’d never had before.

  
The things they did together were a first for both of them, and he felt how she reveled at the feeling of pleasure, knowing only cruelty by the hands of another. He would never hurt her, he knew that for all his sins, it was one that he lacked the courage, and infinite inclination to commit. Ever since he’d held her in his arms on Takodana, after seeing her eyes wide with fear, and how the blaster had shaken in her hand, he’d had no _want_ to hurt her.

  
  
Not her, never her.

  
  
He’d meant it when he said that she’d needed a teacher and stalked the halls of the Finalizer after she’d escaped his interrogation. He’d been tempted by dreams of what he could give her, the things he could teach her, even as Snoke had ripped into his thoughts, and clawed at his fantasies. He could - he would give her everything he’d never had; a chance with the Force, a chance to be whole.

  
  
“ _And beside you_ ,” his Master had sneered, and Snoke had been right.

He wanted her to be more than a Knight of Ren, more than someone who fought at his side and waited to tear out his jugular. They were nothing more than the ones he fought beside, ones who reveled in the dark side of the Force and were intoxicated by the power of the First Order. They weren’t the padawans he had learned with, the ones he had laughed with and sparred with, not anymore. They were dead to him, just as the boy he had been.

  
  
She would have all of him, as he had all of her. She was his equal, the only one that could ever claim the right, whether she was his omega or an alpha like him. Even if she'd been a beta, he would have had her, knotting her as gently and sweetly as he could. She deserved more than him, she deserved more than what he could give her.

  
  
The durasteel walls of the Finalizer had never felt so cold, his rooms so empty. He wanted to take her to Coruscant, where they could be more than their names, more than their fates. He had a dream then, of hiding away with her in a homey apartment, one they could fill with flowers and things she’d found and insisted she could bring to life again. He’d teach her the Force, while she taught him how to cook, scolding him when he wasted ingredients

_“The roots are edible too, Ben- “ she’d say, her brow furrowing until he kissed it smooth, and they both giggled as the pot overflowed with boiling water -_

_  
_  
And at night, they’d curl about each other; her arms around his neck, and her head against his chest, while he folded himself about her as if he could keep her from the world. It was a dream, the same as the ones that she had then, one that could never come true. He could shed his cloak and cowl, just as she could let down her hair, and let her arm wraps fall from her skin. There were things that burrowed deep in their skin, things that could never be undone.

  
  
“ _Ben_!” He shifted, hearing his Uncle’s panicked voice in his ear, and the screams of students, ones that he’d known, studying and laughing beside them. Students like him, ones who embraced the Force, students like her -

  
  
He swallowed, shoving the thoughts away.

  
  
There was no one like him, no one like her, not in the present then. There never would be again, none of the Knights of Ren like them. He felt his heart skip a beat in his chest and realized what he wanted, ever since he’d shown his face to her, something he’d done for no one else (she’d been different - she _was_ different, from anyone else he’d ever known).

  
It was more than lust, more than animal-like need; above all things, he wanted to make her **happy**.

  
  
He traced his knuckles against her cheek and watched as her dreams changed. There was a hulking creature, one carved from flabby flesh, and a collar about his beautiful girl’s neck. And then -

  
  
He was there too, a wraith in black, and slick was dripping from her. He felt desire as it coursed through her veins, and watched as his doppelganger unmasked, ignoring her keeper’s leer. There was a heady note of desire in the air, one undercut by a haze of aphrodisiacs. He led her by the collar, to a pallet, and made her lay back, purring as she parted her legs, and showed him her dripping, pink cunt.

  
And then he was taking her, both of them ignoring the keeper in the room. He suckled at her breasts as if he were a kitten lapping at his mother's milk; rolling and tugging at her nipples with his tongue, and his nipping teeth. He adored the sounds of her cries, as he thrust into her, having unbuckled his trousers beneath his cloak. She was desperate for him, a willing slave to his touch, as he fucked her, as he never would another. “Kylo,” she cried, her buns undone, and glorious hair streaming about her. “Kylo, please- “

  
  
His little mate jerked awake and met his hazy gaze with wide, frightened eyes. He held himself still as if she were wounded prey, apt to fight or flee. “Rey,” he said slowly, and she made a strangled noise, as he realized his mistake. She twisted against him, looking wildly about her, while he gleaned from her thoughts that she was lost to where she was.

  
  
 _Not with the Resistance, not on Jakku_ -

  
  
 **Not alone**.

  
  
“Stay.”

  
  
His voice was low, a soft whisper in her ear that cut through her confusion. The command behind his words wasn’t, every instinct in her screaming that she obey him.

  
  
“Kylo- “

  
  
Rey moved her head then, stilling as his mouth found her gland. It was more swollen than before; pulsing and raw beneath his laving tongue. She felt a deep ache between her legs, only accentuated by the release of hormones she felt, from him adoring her gland. Earlier, she'd been curled in his arms, her eyes half-closed, and head resting against his chest when a shrill screaming yanked her from the lull. Kylo had snarled, flicking his wrist and sent his com smashing against the wall. "Ignore it."

  
  
She licked her lips, feeling how thirsty she was then.

  
  
Then he was pressing his fingers against her lips, offering a slice of fruit. “Eat,” he whispered, watching her as her lips parted, and she sank her teeth into the juicy slice. Dark liquid ran down her chin, as she chewed and swallowed the fruit; her burning throat relieved. He kissed her jaw, lapping at the spilt juice, and she shuddered beneath him.

  
  
He knew how to care for her, her instincts purred. He _would_ care for her, through her heat, and after -

  
  
Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt warmth stir in her belly, low and familiar. She didn’t want to think of what came next, though she felt herself slipping under; under, under, to where thoughts of nights by his side lingered, and she felt his kisses on her skin, without end.

  
  
He wasn’t like the alphas she’d known before, fearsome and looming, as his chest rumbled with purrs. She relaxed at the sound, feeling her muscles loosen from their taut stance, and she dropped her gaze from his, as she saw the upward curve of his lips. He was beautiful.

  
  
Was he hers? Was she his?

  
  
“Trust me,” he murmured, a soothing balm to the thoughts that ran through her.

  
  
His hand cupped her mound; his thumb drawing circles through the apex of her curls. She sighed, her hips rolling against his warm palm. They'd spent hours like that; his arms wrapped about her, and his mouth at her gland, while her bleeding having shifted to musky, slick dampness. She wore only her breast band and an oversized shirt of Kylo's, one that was drenched in his scent. She wanted to roll around in his clothing, and his blankets; washing herself in his scent until it never came out.

  
  
She wanted to be his.

  
  
‘ _As if you deserve it_ , **_Scavenger_** ’ a voice hissed.

  
  
One that she desperately didn’t want to believe.

  
  
Scavenger: the word spat like maggots clinging to its tongue. Rey swallowed. She knew what she was, and who she had been. It’d been only weeks ago that sand had been the only constant she’d known; sand and the ball of longing that clung to the back of her throat. As if hearing the voice too, Kylo suckled harder on her gland; his tongue tracing the letters of his name on her skin.

  
  
“Rey,” he murmured, his index finger tracing her welcoming slit. He could taste her doubt; her hesitation in the air. Her legs were taut as they pressed against his hand; wanting him to keep his hand against her. He probed his finger between her lips, her slickness coating his finger.

  
  
“Another,” she begged, tilting her head up to kiss his collarbone. Warmth was blooming inside of her; a warmth that had steadily been increasing with every orgasm he gave her. Kylo hummed.

  
  
“Good girl.”

  
She mewled as he thrust his finger up to the knuckle inside of her, before thrusting his middle inside alongside it. A silver ring clung to his middle finger; its woven sides catching against her folds. Her breath hitched, and she squirmed; the feeling only exasperating the aching warmth she felt. It was becoming uncomfortable; steadily rising as flames lapped against her insides.

  
  
“Ah- “

  
  
She didn’t recognize her voice, as she cried out his name. She canted her hips, chasing his hand as he eased his fingers in and out of her; the action making indecorous squelching sounds. She wanted more of the feeling, more of him -

  
  
He pressed his palm against her clit and thrust his fingers deeper into her weeping cunt. It wasn’t enough, not when she wanted his cock, and his knot more than she’d ever known. It was different than when her stomach had curved in on itself, begging to be filled, or her throat ached to be quenched. It was a need deep within her heart to be filled, and she pressed her thighs about his hand, wanting all of him.

  
  
“Please,” she whispered, her voice thick with need. “Don’t tease me, Kylo. I need you -“

  
  
Her words touched him, as an omega could always do with an alpha, no, _their_ alpha. He dragged his fingers against her soaked walls, before bringing them from her cunt to his lips, and she watched as he licked at his fingers; purring at the taste of her slick. It was musky, with a note that was entirely her; sunshine and spice, warmth on his greedy tongue. He wanted her until she soaked his skin, and made him the same as she was; lost, and then found.

  
  
“I’ll take care of you,” he promised her, slowly rolling to have her on her back, while he crawled over her. He wanted to protect her from the harsh, watchful walls about them, keeping everything out but her, but him, but _them_. “I’ll keep you safe, always, Rey.”

  
She shuddered as he undid his pants, and his cock sprang free. He was hard, aching to bury himself inside of her and fill her with his seed. It was only for her, it was all for her; and he held himself above her, gazing down at her with his dark eyes. “Beautiful.”

  
  
“Just a scavenger- “ she replied, wrapping her legs about his lower back.

  
  
“So much more than that,” his gaze burned as he watched her, his dark eyes reflecting her glassy eyes, and heightened cheeks back at her. “So much better, little one.” She was his mate, his empress when he found himself crowned.

  
  
She was made for him.

  
  
He thrust himself into her, his bulging head grasped by her cunt. She keened at the feeling, rolling her head beneath him, and her hips bucking as they began to find their rhythm. The room filled with the sound of skin against skin, their hips slapping against each other, as he thrust in and out of her. Her cunt grasped his cock tighter each time; wanting nothing more than to hold on to him, begging him to fill her, over and over again.

  
  
He held himself up by his forearms, shifting so he canted his hips down against hers. He drove himself into her, his cock dragging against her slippery walls. He found himself in paradise, burrowing himself into her warm, and safe place; and her arms entwined about his neck, pulling his head down to her.

  
  
His dark hair hung over her, a curtain from the world.

  
  
She kissed him heatedly, her touch leaving bruises in her wake. Their tongues slipped from their mouths and entangled with another; a dance of lust as they wanted themselves entirely entwined with each other. She panted his name into his mouth, amidst gasps and keened pleas for him to fuck her more, more, more -

  
  
He moved her to her hands and her knees, the mattress firm beneath her clenched fingers. There was no relief, no freedom she would find away from him, as he opened her body to him. He found his cock growing inside of her, and his knot weighed, as it came closer to filling her. She cried out as his hands palmed her breasts, before cruelly tugging at her sensitive nipples. He rolled his hips against hers and snarled when she leaned into him, wiggling her bum against his thighs. She was everything that he wanted, everything that he had dreamed of.

  
  
He threw his head back, and roared her name, as ropes of cum spurt from his cock inside of her. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her legs above his shoulders; keeping his cum brimming inside of her cunt, none of it dripping between her legs, instead absorbed into her womb. He wanted her bred, and by his side; their pups in her womb, and her safe in his unyielding arms. They would be their own family, a new dynasty.

  
  
He wanted many things, he always had.

  
  
Ben Solo. Kylo Ren.

  
  
(She saw them both, holding them in her hands)

  
  
He wanted the world, and with her, he would have it. She squealed as she, too, came; his hand moving from her breast to pleasure her overstimulated clit. He felt his knot swelling inside of her, locking them together; where they’d stay until it was exhausted, and hopefully, his seed had taken effect. “Such a beautiful girl,” he crooned, his thumb rubbing harsh circles against her swollen lips, and her pretty nub. He wanted her to cum until she was a mess in his arms; unable to think, unable to breathe, without thought of him. “You were made for me, little one.”

  
  
He heard the thrum of her heart, as it beat like the wild, fluttering of a bird’s wings. She was soaring as he fucked her, giving her what she needed for relief; as she panted, and moaned in delight. It was what she was made for, what every omega was; her body craving to be stretched with pups and cossetted by their alpha.

  
  
Yet it was so much more, as they came together; their hearts mending into one. 

  
  
“Kylo,” she wept with euphoria. “Kylo, Kylo, Kylo- “

  
  
Tears clung to her eyelashes, ones he wanted to gently kiss away. He was known as a terror to the world yet wanted to be nothing but gentle with her.

  
  
He wanted her to see him, as he was.

  
  
Protective, and possessive; the dark racing through his veins, as their force auras angled with another. He would burn down the world for her, the same as his grandfather had for his mate, yet he would live, where the other hadn’t. “I’m here, Rey,” he said, meaning every word, the same as he had when he was bound to the Knights of Ren. “I’ll always be here.”

  
  
He knew that he would never let her go.

  
  
She writhed against his hold, as she came again; sweetly, crying out his name. She wanted to be so, so good for him, pleasing him more than any other ever would, or could. She wanted to be the one that he remembered, the one that he wanted without end. She closed her eyes tight as she felt herself weaken, her arms trembling as she rested against them. He hadn't stopped rocking his hips against hers while leaning over her shoulder; pressing kisses across her neck, and her jaw. He wasn’t going to stop fucking her, caring for her -

  
  
He never would.

  
  
“Trust me,” he whispered, before kissing her gland tenderly. It was virgin, her skin intact and rubbed raw from her overwhelming heat. “Please, Rey.”

  
  
He tasted her sweet scent on his lips, and knew that once he claimed her, their scent would be forever entwined; as unmistakable as other mated pairs were. She would be his to have, his to hold, and never could another possess her as he had. He kissed her gland again, before sinking his canines into her skin.

  
  
She screamed, stars dancing across her vision.

  
  
It was nothing, nothing like the way he’d touched her before, as he claimed her. Fire roared through her veins, sweeping her world away; as she was remade into the other half of him, and he was made into the other half of her. There was nothing in her world but him then, as she lost herself against him. It was sin, and it was bliss, the world meaning nothing as it was lost about them.

  
  
There was only her, only him, only _them_.

  
  
All she could feel was his cock as it pleasured her cunt, his hips slamming into hers. He too was lost in her, as he held her unbearably close, and yet not close enough - she wanted to be inside of him, have him burrow like a tick within her skin, one that would never come out. She wailed as his knot continued to expand inside of her, to a nearly painful point. She wanted to feel it forever, living in the moment until she knew nothing but the sound of his moans in her ear, and the way his lips caressed her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her collarbone -

  
  
She inhaled, their scent blessing her nose.

  
  
“Kylo,” she whimpered, his name everything on her tongue. She didn’t think of the Resistance then, of Finn or Poe, or the man she’d known for a few, blessed moments, Han Solo. Nor did she think of the Force, as it weighed in her hands, and burned through her soul, a part of her that she’d never known.

  
  
She only thought of him.

  
  
Kylo. Ben. The names were tangled on her tongue, yet she swept through them all, knowing the only one that mattered; the only one that she would never lose faith in, and believe in like her parents returning. Her mate.

  
  
“Kylo,” she said again, as she found sweet life in his hold.

  
  
The fire was receding from her veins, and blessed clarity came back to her. She could see her mate sheltering her from the room, and the beads of sweat running down his cheek, making her ache to cradle his face in her hands. Her tongue flicked from her mouth, as she tasted the feelings in the air; the ecstasy emanating from him, the same as she felt, their feelings the same as the other. She panted as he took her, his touch not overwhelming anymore, no -

  
  
It was something that felt entirely right, instead of wrong.

  
She gulped for air and felt her lungs expanding in her chest, free of the lonesome feeling that dragged them down, down into the recesses of her dying ribcage. No, she felt that she could breathe, that her chest was free of hurt, and her lungs light. She _felt_ -

  
  
She felt -

  
  
She cried out, his thrusts quickening, relentlessly.

  
  
She felt whole.

  
  
Kylo was there for every moment, his heart beating the same as hers. He was the boy the world had unraveled, the man whose Master had twisted and pulled him back into one. Yet it was the lonely girl, the hurting woman in his arms that had breathed life back into his lungs and made him feel alive again.

  
  
He was more than a doll, an automaton.

  
  
He was alive, and he was whole, with her body against his, and his name on her lips. “Ben,” she groaned, cresting into orgasm again.

  
  
“Let yourself go, Rey.”

  
  
And she did, her arms collapsing beneath her -

  
  
Only he caught her, rolling her on to her side, with his arms wrapped about her middle. He spooned against her, the warmth that she’d never had, as he tucked his head against her shoulder. His lips went to her gland, his tongue tracing his burning mark. His touch was soothing, as he spread saliva across it, instinctively knowing what it needed, to heal. 

  
  
His fingers returned to her mound, stroking her curls, and playing with her lips; as she shifted against him, keening softly. Her thoughts had cleared, and his name was on her lips, as she felt satiated.

  
  
 _Safe_.

  
"Kylo," she whispered, and her eyes opened as if she were new to the world. She watched his hand touching her, her cheeks bright as he probed inside, touching his knot that was stuffed inside her. Cum spurt from his tip still, sticky and warm inside of her; something she wanted to taste on her lips and have him smear across her breasts until it was unmistakable that she was his. If she could, she would do the same; longing to drag her dripping cunt across his skin and stain him with the scent of her, reaffirming that he belonged to her.

  
  
 _With_ her.

* * *

  
Throughout the night, he took her again, and again.

  
  
The sheets were soaked with their sweat, their cum, and the words that spilled from their lips; promises of understanding, and being _there_. It was something neither had, the feeling of another beside them, their hands entangled about the others. There was no space between them, no words or feelings that could keep them apart.

  
  
It was always with his name on her lips that she came, and what a perfect girl that she was, that he whispered in her ear when he collapsed against her and cradled her close. She snuggled against his chest, with his knot buried inside of her, and their hands together.

  
  
Nose to nose, face to face, and heart to heart, they stayed.

* * *

  
And in the morning, everything came crashing down.

  
She lay naked beneath the sheets and panted as he fingered her, with her leg hiked about his waist, and her head tossed back. He’d brought water to her lips, holding it in his hands himself, before cooing that she needed to eat. He'd handfed her bits of fresh fruit and the softest bread she’d ever had, covered in a sweet paste, its flavors dancing across her tongue. And afterward, he’d nuzzled his cheek against hers, whispering what a good girl she was.

  
  
“I’m yours, Rey,” he murmured, his voice thick with want and need, and adoration for her. He would open himself to her, enveloping her just as the darkness had wrapped about him. “All yours.” She lived for his touch, as her heat was unbearably upon her again, and every part of her ached for him, and his beautiful knot.

  
  
Her mate.

  
  
Kylo.

  
  
“Ben,” she keened. “More, Ben, _more_ \- “

  
  
He was her alpha, the only one who would ever take care of her. Her, the girl who’d always been alone, grasping the sand and waiting with a breaking heart for her family. He’d run his hands through her unbound hair as they lay together, between moments when he needed to knot her again, and braided it back into three buns for her.

  
  
“You never give up, do you?” He’d asked.

  
  
And she’d shaken her head, no. She never did.

  
  
It was why Unkar Plutt had delighted in controlling her rations, lessening them as she worked harder and harder, shifting through electrical panels until her fingertips bled, and sand-filled her lungs. It was why other scavengers had led her on grand, scavenging adventures through the barren lands, teasing her with the thought of endless portions, until she’d squeezed herself through skeletons of ships, and found untouched control panels. She still remembered how proud she’d felt, hauling herself up the rope, until the others had found her at the top, and beaten her senseless; taking her haul from her, while she blearily screamed after them.

  
  
She’d forced herself to go back down into the ship graveyard, and dig through the sandy cavern until she’d found scraps she could bring back, desperate to eat and wanting nothing more than to be home. She knew better than to cry, yet fat drops of tears had streaked through her dusty cheeks regardless.

  
  
Following her thoughts, Kylo snarled, harshly covering her lips with his own. “Never,” he moaned, “you’ll never have that again, little one.” His words were sugar crystals poured on to her skin, glittering and dancing in the starlight that filled the room.

  
  
She wanted nothing more than to believe him, tears spilling down her cheeks.

  
  
She arched her back, chasing the feeling of his fingers toying inside her wet cunt. His fingers were different than hers; longer and soft, and when he crooked his fingers inside of her and plucked at her trembling nub, it made her moan in delight. It was a sensation that she adored, and she was fast becoming eager for more. “Ben- “

  
  
Her cunt clenched about his fingers, and her thighs curved about his wrist as if she could hold him there; and she did, until his fingers stilled, and yanked out of her.

  
  
“Ben!” She gasped at the sudden absence of his warmth, and the feeling of him inside her. There was distress in the air, his pheromones changing starkly.

  
  
 _Bleakly_.

  
  
“What’s wrong?” Startled, Rey sat up, her eyes narrowing as she looked back at him. There was something wrong, and her stomach twisted into painful knots; everything she’d eaten threatening to make a resurgence. “Kylo?”

  
  
“Snoke.” He said.

  
  
Her heart thudded in her chest. 

  
  
“I have to go- “, he was already off the bed and wrenching on his clothing. She’d forgotten the armor he wore; the thick cape, and black cowl. He slipped his gloves on and tugged on his boots - the only part of him left exposed was his face; one he kept away from her. “Don’t - don’t leave this room,” he snarled, yanking his fingers through his tousled hair.

  
Questions arose on the tip of her tongue.

  
  
“Kylo- “

  
  
“Don’t.”

  
  
She flinched at his harsh tone, and arms curved to wrap around her midsection.

_How had she let him in? How- how had she grown so weak already?_

He reminded her then, of the masked creature that had confronted her in the forest, the one that she had had nightmares of. Who was the man beneath the mask, the one that felt pain the same as she did, but could replace his mask still? Her fingers dug against her skin as slick dripped from her sex, a shameful feeling burning within her skin.

  
  
She was like the others, the omegas that had wailed and cried to be claimed and rolled amidst the sand rats to find relief from the burning within them. Her cheeks flushed, and she whimpered at the thought. There was nothing she’d feared more than becoming like them, ever since she’d seen what happened when they were left in the heat tent, without their mate, without _anyone_ to help them.

  
  
“You p-promised,” she whimpered, sinking her canines into her bottom lip until she tasted blood. She remembered all the words he’d whispered to her, as their fucking had lulled into holding one another, and he’d told her everything he thought, and more. It’d meant something to her, as she held his words against her heart, and felt -

  
  
Felt that he understood her, and knew what it was like to be alone.

  
  
She wanted to wail her distress, and pressed her thighs tight together as if she could keep sick from escaping; a weakness she couldn’t help, that she couldn’t _stop_.

  
  
The sheets pooled around her were stained with slick, the silken threads made filthy by her. Her breath was ragged as she inhaled, a whimper catching inside of her throat. “Kylo- “

  
  
 _Alpha_.

  
  
The room felt too small then, too small and sterile, and the walls pressed in around her -

  
  
“Please, Rey.”

  
  
His desperate tone had her meet his eyes, and she swallowed at the naked pain there. “Stay,” he whispered, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he forced the words from his lips. “Stay here, Rey. Please.”

  
  
“I…”

  
  
“Please,” he asked again, a stark note of urgency in his tone.

  
  
She knew he couldn’t stay long, as he glanced at the door, and his shoulders tensed as if he expected a flurry of stormtroopers to come barreling through the door, with their blasters drawn. The thought was ridiculous, just as what they’d done was -

  
  
 _No_ , her canines pricked her tongue.

  
  
She wanted to believe every word that he said, then, as he had before. She swallowed nausea that stymied in her throat, forcing it down inside of her, where she wanted it to stay. Even then, she knew that vomiting was nothing but wasteful, something that she never was, something that she’d never allow herself to be.

  
  
She kept her feelings wound, just like her hands that grasped her knees, as she drew them up against her naked chest. She ached with need again, having had his knot several hours before, but knew better than to beg.

  
  
Not - not if he hadn’t meant a word he’d said.

(Hadn’t he?)

  
  
She ducked her head down. “I will.”

  
  
“Rey- “

  
  
He broke his words away.

  
  
And then he was gone, racing out the door with his cape flurrying behind him, and the Force wrapped about him tightly, while her instincts screamed that she was wrong, wrong, wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connect with me: https://januarywren.tumblr.com/ 🌹
> 
> and ask for me my discord! 🌹
> 
> Thank you for beta'ing, Nano and Jelly! I appreciate your help so, so much. 🦝🖤


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